Hoults Wine Merchants, Huddersfield

Smash the robots, save the children, read more.

I was listening to Radio 4 the other morning as I continue to try and expand my little brain and there was a programme comparing the birth of the railways with the current advances in autonomous vehicles (future cars to you and I). Now whilst the comparisons were interesting and Jimmy Corkhill from Brooky kept chirping in the fundamental difference with Stephenson’s Rocket is that it had a driver. So whilst it was at still a big part of the industrial revolution there was much less threat of us all being made useless and the machines ruling the world. Now it’s not just cars where this is happening and whilst I like technology I find it odd sometimes when you see who is promoting the rise of the machines. Go in to any Tesco and there will be a member of staff desperately trying to persuade you to grab a scanning gadget and scan your own shop as you go round which just seems bonkers as the end goal of this is that Tesco will need less staff on the shop floor as you will sort your own shopping out. They may as well be standing around asking you to take their jobs from them, it’s like cows handing out the bolts in the abattoir. On the wine side of things you’ve got the rise of the Enomatic machine where you get a credit card type thing and you choose and dispense your own wine, because pouring wine is such a tricky task! This is the vinous equivalent of a vending machine without the fun of a packet of Spangles getting stuck just before they’re supposed to drop.

For me though the oddest of all of the ‘labour saving’ devices is the home hub. You plug it in and then you can spend the rest of your days sitting around barking questions and orders at it and never having to leave your chair and you’ll end up forgetting to go to bed and eventually you’ll just be living in your front room waiting for regular food parcels to be droned in, it’s how it ends. Most of all it’s the children I worry about, what will become of them in the future? Watching the latest Alexa advert the phrase ‘Alexa turn the light on’ is uttered, now that is definitely a kids job and if the gadget can do the menial jobs which teach children the meaning of hard work then there really isn’t much need for children so why bother going to the expense of having them and feeding them and clothing them and best of all Alexa already has a name so you don’t even have to have an argument about whether to go with Hermione or Fifi-Juxtapose. Smash the robots, save the children.

So all of that nonsense leads me nicely on to my attempt to help keep the good old days alive. I’ve gone and printed an actual proper paper, none of this digital nonsense just proper, touchy feely, tomorrow’s fish and chip wrapper paper. This paper is actually a very thinly disguised price list but it does have some little ‘news’ bits dropped in. I would love it if you dropped by and picked one up but if not then I am actually prepared to go to the expense of posting you a copy and thus keeping a postie in work too.

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